oy vey loneliness is really a stupid feeling...i think i should strike it from my list of emotions.

i really hate when i wake up lonely. i wake up alone every day so being lonely shouldn't really bother me, but sometimes it does. it really and truly does. especially when i go to bed thinking about how a guy will be lucky to have me someday. but of course he wasn't there when i fell asleep so i don't know if i think he should be when i wake up, or what, but that feeling of, "crap, he's still not here" shouldn't be what i wake up to.
i'm not normally in a "needaman" phase so long. usually it's a day, maybe two. not a week. i am fully fulfilled in my life. i have a fantastic family, great friends, a job, and my own place. I can cook, try to keep a clean, as in spotless can eat off the floor, clean apartment, love to read, watch a football game, go out, stay in, dance, speak spanish, watch blue collar tv. honestly, i would think some guy would see that i'm pretty much down for anything. maybe i'm not looking in the right places...i have tried the 'net. that never gets any farther than the internet, or if it does, it's only a first date...never a second or third. i've checked out most of the single guys at the hospital. half of them happen to like men. kinda kills it...and i've looked at church. there's only one guy in my age group who is single, and as far as i am concerned, he will stay single for multiple good reasons. i'm not big into the bar scene. as in i just don't go to bars. maybe i should pick up a second job as a cashier or waitress so i can meet even more men. lol...probably won't happen.
so i will continue to say this to myself: you don't need a man, you don't need a man, you're strong, independant, and beautiful. you don't need a man.
i don't know that i really believe that. but oh well...
and me being educated and smart about the cognitive process will say that most of these feelings stem from the fact that many of those around me are in some sort of relationship. my sister is married, my cousin is getting married, my friends are married, or they're dating exclusively.
it's a darn good thing i'm outgoing. i have no problem going places by myself, like dancing or out to eat. but even then, it gets lonely. and while i'm friends with my friends' husbands, its not the same when you're the third or fifth wheel.
someday, some guy is going to realize that the adventure of his life isn't in the world somewhere, waiting to be conquered, but it's right here.
oh well...i'm out to get things accomplished (like paying my rent and electric bill lol).
as in the words of cinderella...
"a dream is a wish your heart makes, when it's fast asleep. in dreams you can lose your heartaches, whatever you wish for, you keep. have faith in your dreams and someday, your rainbow will come shining through. no matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true."
words to live by...
i promise my next post won't be so full of self pity. promise promise promise.