work and other 4 letter words :(

work was AWFUL today. we did 25 + beds tonight.
let me explain: when i say we did "beds" that means discharges. When i started working afternoon turn a little over 2 years ago, an average night was anywhere between 10-15 beds. a busy night was about 18. Now, an average night is around 20 beds and busy is closer to if not more than, 30.
When we do these "beds" we have to empty the room of anything that was the discharged patient's. This includes but is not limited to: bedside commodes (which the aides are supposed to empty. sometimes they don't.), IV poles, feeding tube poles, leg machines, heating pads...and the list continues. We also take out the linens and garbage. Then we clean the bathroom, the furniture (nightstand, tray table, and chairs) and the bed. Then we make the bed, stock utensils, and mop.
try running to the trash chute 25+ times, with bags of trash, all this equipment, and then having to stop, leave all that at the door of the room with the chute so you can unlock the door. then pick it all back up again and dump all that stuff to run back to the room and clean like crazy.
it's exhausting. the worst part is that the daylight housekeepers say "25? why is that such a big deal?"
because there are only 2 of us on an afternoon shift. there are at least 5 times that many on daylight.
so yeah, work is a dirty 4 letter word.
so is snow: it's disgusting is what it is. hope it stops soon. otherwise i will probably throw up a whole lot...or run away to a tropical destination.
there are lot's of other 4 letter words. like hope, love, like, etc.
those can be good or bad...right now, i'm choosing bad lol :p
later gater's

another one is snow. what is up with all this white stuff?

tired. :(

I'm tired today. probably from not sleeping like a normal person and then working and thinking my cousin was staying a day earlier than planned...
i'm whooped. Physically i'm tired. mentally, i'm sleepy. emotionally, i'm exhausted. Yesterday (meaning sunday) spent me like none other.
it's all good now though. at least it will be soon. I don't know about any one else, but I need a vacation.
somewhere with a beach, a piña colada, and a cabana boy would be nice. although at this point i'd take 7 days holed up at home in my pj's eating pizza and ice cream all week.
well, i'll get to working on that vacation...let you know how it all pans out.
later

dot dot dot he loves me not. ok, love is a strong word. dot dot dot he likes me not. still pretty depressing i just want to add.

I'm pretty sure, that today was the worst day of 2011 so far. I am hoping that it won't get any worse.
why was it so bad? because of a 4 letter word called "hope". let me explain:
i had hope things would finally be different this time for me. I had hope that i could be enough. I had set my hopes high.
My hope failed me. things aren't really any different this time. I am not enough. My hopes fell hard.

anyway, listening to some good "hopeless romantic" music...(see "video" below).
That's right, as much as i would love to douse hope in kerosene and set it ablaze, i'm too much a romantic to do that. it's bruised, maybe a little broken, but still hanging on.
I have to believe that someday, somewhere, someone will say something to me similar to this song. I have to believe it...otherwise, i will be living a very old, lonely life.

a buffer from last nights post

i could delete the post i put up last night. i won't. i just want to say to the unknown masses that dont read this that i'm sorry. i usually have much better control over my emotions and don't usually allow that much self-pity to seep through. please forgive me.
this being said, i'm listening to "sad music". it's not my maroon5, but it will do. in about a half hour or so i am going to be really cleaning my house. my beloved cousin and his fiance will be staying with me for a few days. However, if i don't get my house cleaned i won't let them in. therefore cleaning is an absolute necessary. Then i've gotta go get a few things for them to eat. i'm used to not eating, but i'm pretty sure that would reflect negatively on my hostess skills.
again, i'm sorry for the emotional retarded outburst last night. i'm fine, i'll be fine, it's all going to be fine. at least that's the mantra i'm repeating to myself today.
till later

men. :(

some men suck big time
some men rock a lot
and the ones that are worst of all are the ones that refuse to realize that things could really work out for them.
don't ask. i'm not telling. i just know that i'm not happy right now. i'm sad, and hurt, and wishing i were confused cuz then things would be easier. i could blame whatever it is i'm feeling on the "not knowing". sadly, that's not the case.
it's not every day you can have a real connection w/someone, someone you can talk to about anything. someone you've talked to about everything.
but to experience that and to hear that person say, "it's not gonna work out between us...i'd rather we just stay friends then try this thing out..."
it's simply devastating.
its excruciatingly frustrating.
it makes me want to cry and scream and then cry some more. or eat a pint of ice cream.
right now, i think i'll just go for the crying bit. (can't really scream w/o waking the neighbor).
so yeah...some men are great, but suck a bunch because they let you know how great they are and then take all that away from you.
sick thing is, i couldn't imagine life in any form without them. so if it kills me to remain friends and friends only, i will.
i'd rather some men just wake up and realize that it's a small world and distance is only as short or long as you let it be.

what do i know? i know that at the current rate of my life, i will end up an old maid. stuck in a job i despise, by myself. i won't end up the crazy cat lady simply because i won't have the patience for the cats. normally this doesn't bother me. tonight this bothers me a whole lot. things could be different. but i dont know how to make them different, make them work in my favor.

stupid stinking rotten men.

ugh.