run run run, never get anything done...

So, I have been a running machine for what feels like an eternity. I'm in class in butler and cranberry Pa. I still work in new castle, and now I'm back into ballroom dancing (oh how i've missed it) in cleveland, oh.
Why all the running? because if I don't get out of this new castle slump that affects everyone who lives here i will end up going crazy.
I'm most excited to tell you all about the ballroom dancing. This past friday, I went (by myself, of course), to Cleveland, OH and was greeted by a bunch of super nice, middle aged people. I had a blast. I foxtrotted, waltzed, cha-cha'd, rumbaa'd, salsa'd, swung, and hustled. Throw in a few line dances and my night was complete. I did not tango, which is something i know how to do (i could do all of them but the hustle before I went), but maybe this friday i'll tango.
One thing I will most definitely have to invest in are some real dance shoes cuz all my heels are sort of stretched out.
Seriously though, I have missed dancing so so so much.
Even with all this running like crazy, I still feel like I'm not truly accomplishing anything. Oh well, I guess you win some, you lose some.

feelings

To say i'm not really a communicator would be an understatement. I hate talking about myself and therefore will do everything in my power to get out of talking about me.
sometimes however, i really wish i could just explain to ppl how i truly feel. take tonight for instance. i so badly wanted to tell somebody, anybody, just how lonely i felt. i know having a significant other in my life won't make me a "whole" person, but sometimes it sure feels that way.
i would love to find love. i know we all want that, but goodness i haven't even had "like". ever. as in no one likes me, and sometimes i feel like no one ever will. while i am pretty good with me being single for the rest of my life most of the time, tonight i just wanted to go home to somebody. but alas, i came home to an empty apartment. maybe one day my prince charming will come, but i wish that day were today...
im done now.
see ya'll in a while...
mandy

new beginnings for this old gal.

i.
am.
old.

or at least thats what i feel like when i see all these fresh out of highschool faces as i'm going to class.
So far, class has been easy peasy lemon squeezie but i am sure it will get harder as the semester goes on.
at least that's what im hoping for. I never have been one to do busy work or do well in classes below my iq level lol.
anyways, i will be all over the map, cranberry, butler, new castle. ok not as far over the map as i would like (aka greece or turkey) but it's a start, and it will get my butt moving past just neca.

anyways i gotta go study.... :)

bucket list.

after watching that movie i made one of my own...i'll be adding to it as time goes on...

travel the world. and yes i mean the WORLD. no i don't have a specific one place destination in mind. i wanna see it all

take a cooking class at le cordon bleu in paris like julia child.

be in a dancing competition. even if it's a city wide competition...

learn a few other languages...including but not limited to: italian (working on that), greek (working on that too), french, portuguese, hindi, and chinese (if i added all the languages i wanna learn i'd be here all day)

kiss a complete stranger. there's something oddly romantic id like to try.

set up a rendezvous point for me and my husband, and treat him like an "affair"...something to keep the mystery alive, which keeps the romance going :)

which brings me to this: find a husband :D

im out for now but i'll be here adding to this later

letters to juliet....it got me thinking

so i've seen this movie 2x now, and it's pretty good. the only major flaw i can see is this:

these romantic comedies, or any movie that isn't horror/sci-fi is unattainable to the average person. don't get me wrong, the basic plots can and probably do happen...to people who don't live in small towns/little cities like new castle or boardman.

these movies get the hopes of all us single girls up. we hope and think and wait for these moments, these opportunities to happen to us.

but let's be honest about this, shall we?
my life is nothing like the girls on these movies.

if i'm trying to apply this (or any romantic comedy) to my life, let's see how i compare to the starlets of these movies.

>>>these girls work at a job with a big company/law firm, much more glamorous than mine.

>>>i work at a small hospital in housekeeping, i basically am a poop cleaner.

>>>these girls live in major cities, with plenty of diversity and options for places to go from restaurants and movies to grocery stores and dancing.

>>>i live in a small town, with the biggest culture diversity is italian and arabic/syrian. we have plenty of places to eat, considering thats basically our only "out on the town" option, we have one movie theater which does play 8 movies at once but still...and we have several decent groceries but walmart is usually the cheapest option. and dancing? there's several ballet/dance companies or the hoyt but all are over priced.

>>>because of the high paying jobs, these girls have great apartments and can travel via company's expense or can just afford it on their own, thanks to said jobs. or some start off in other countries which indicates they had money to begin with.

>>>because i work in housekeeping at a small hospital in a small town, my pay is average if nothing else. i live with my parents because the only apartments worth looking at are way out of reach financially. and while i do travel, i have to limit my travelling to every other year at best, and my location is limited to mexico or canada. and while i love love love love love love mexico, i want to see europe. i want to broaden my horizons.

>>>the girls in these movies have boyfriends, husbands, even just guy friends. why? because of the previously aforementioned places to go. there are more men in these cities, more options of meeting these men.

>>>i. am. single. the only guy friends i have are married, and the only places i can go to meet them are the movies, but lets be honest...who in the world meets a guy while in the movies? and what movies would i have to be watching to meet these guys? i also go to walmart...again, what sort of man will i be attracting when im shopping after 8 hours of working or going in sweats? work, but i don't know any men that aren't already married or in committed relationships, and i go to church, but trust me when i say, there are absolutely no options at church.

>>>finally, these girls while in reality are real (they aren't just figments of our imaginations) but their characters are not. their bad days are either slapstick funny or just not likely. even the more realistic ones (ie alexis bledel in post grad) which might be really down on their luck, aren't as realistic as real life.

>>>i am not a fake character in a movie, although sometimes i wish i were. my bad days are usually more felt than perceived, and while i may fall down a lot, it's really not funny when it's you who is the one that is smashing yourself always.


ive said all this to end up saying that basically, and unfortunately, unless i move to a larger city (even pittsburgh would work i think), and land a fantastic job (in this stinky economy), my life is going to end quite predictably much like these movies. i may end up marrying someone down the road (which at my current rate, i don't see happening), and i will more than likely stay at the hospital until it kills me. anyways, i gotta get off here and sleep...i gotta be at work in 5 hours.

it's just like my g-sal always says...what a pity i was born with such good looks rather than being rich...

FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!

ugh. ok. so ive been reading "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand. it's a great book. i highly recommend it.
However i feel i must warn you that if you are a person whom pays his due to society, whom works for everything you have, you will feel very, very violated at the turn of events in this book.
i'll explain more later...

life.

life as an adult, means i have become settled into a routine, which essentially isnt bad...but how does one recover her spontaneity?
i don't know, and thats exactly what i'm trying to find out.
if any one has any ideas, let me know...
i feel my inner wild self dying...so time is of the essence.

crazy, im certifiable you know...

so. my week long sentence at work is over for a day...that's right people, i decided to go in on my weekend off for a half day on Saturday. oh well, the over time will rock :)
besides work (which is a dirty 4 letter word by the way) i've been gearing up for school (got my acceptance letter to BC3 today. not that it's a big deal, because everyone gets accepted to community college, but still...) and the wedding, which is ONE WEEK FROM TODAY!!!!! tonight's my sister's bachelorette party. shopping for that was fun. i walked into the local "store for lovers" and was attacked by a very hyper woman. nice though, and very helpful, i was out of the store in under 30 minutes.
hopefully i make megan blush like crazy.
after the wedding im devoting an entire day to apartment hunting. i will be out by my next birthday...
aaaahhhh life is going crazy...but thats ok.
until next time, all you unknown whatevers and whomevers out there.

peace.

peace.
what is this thing i long for?
what is this thing i cannot find?
it is the embrace by my Master, my Saviour.
it is the words telling my waves to "Be still"
So oft, i look to the world to give me that hug,
or i listen to its voice, waiting to hear it tell my storms to stop.
How often do i pass the peace that passes all understanding, for some temporal idiosyncracy?
too many times i forfeit what He has given me by His obedience to the cross.
Oh that i would learn. Oh that i would make haste in accepting the gift so freely given, with such a high price.
Peace.
the world looks for it in men, in women, in things.
the only true Peace, is Jesus.
That i would let my light, and His peace, so shine before all men, that they would know that He is my God.




Just a few thoughts. not really how i'm feeling, but i thought it was pretty good nonetheless

New Adventure: college scholarships. overwhelmed is an understatement.

When i went to school the first time, i did absolutely nothing, and i mean nothing by ways of looking for scholarships or grants. this time around, i'm using my head, and being smart about this. i have gotten myself into a massive sink hole of debt. i owe salliemae more than i'm worth (that's debateable). so, i decided that this time around, i would be wise.

let me start at the beginning. and i do mean, the beginning.
Growing up, i was always the automatic piggy bank. I saved, nay hoarded, every penny i could get my grubby, chubby little hands on.
I was also a highly intelligent, curious-minded little girl.
Need a prime example of my money saving abilities? As a preschooler, i purchased my very own, child-sized violin for $75. I didn't get it as a gift, it was mine because i used my money, that i had saved, as a 4 year old.
Think i'm exaggerating my own intelligence? Well as a wonderful family friend has recently told me, "Of course you can do anything, you were reading the newspaper as a 5 year old". I also read the dictionary for fun when i was in kindergarten.
Fast forward a few years. As a highschool senior, i went through a short period of trying so desperately hard to break into my own life, while living with parents who didn't understand or know how to make it an easier transition.
Having said all this, you must know then that i was more concerned with gaining freedom, and leaving my house than i was getting good financial aid. i figured, "i'll get loans. i can always defer until i have to pay them back. then i'll just pay them back."
I always tell people that the benefit of being young and dumb is that you get to be young and dumb. And boy did i take full advantage of that statement. Hence i am paying on my student loans, have been for 4 years, and will continue for the rest of my life. I spent 3 years at a terrific college, but at some point my life was meant to move on, and i simply refused to do it. I learned some hard life lessons, some hard lessons in trusting God and the ones He places around us. However, now i am financially paying for the lessons i had to learn emotionally.
At some point this past january, i realized that i am too smart for the job that i have been working for the past 2 years. Its a decent job, the pay is so-so, but it pays the bills. Then for a couple months, i struggled with the idea on going back to school, considering while i am intelligent, and have a great capacity to learn, i did poorly at school. most of that is due to my heart just simply not being in the class work the way i should have been.
then finally, after months of going around and around this issue in my head, i decided to go back to school. past schooling aside, i know i will do just fine, because i can. and because my complete sanity rests on me doing something other than garbage for the rest of my life.
fast forward to tonight. i have been looking for college scholarships since about 11 pm, last night. I typed scholarship into google and clicked on fastweb.com. after doing a brief membership application (not truly an application, but we'll use that here for lack of better words) i was then sent a list of 22 scholarships/grants i was eligible for. so i went back to my account and finished setting up my account and got another 9 scholarships/grants. after looking through all of them, i marked several as favorites, and started to go back and clicked on the websites of the individual scholarship pages.
why would it overwhelm someone? well, to put it simply, while clicking on adjectives that describe people, i saw several that said "height" or "clinically obese" and "vegetarian". I thought, what about us average joes that aren't vegetarians, that might be chubby but not clinically obese, or medium to short in height? then i thought, that's discrimination against the normal person.
but just the types of scholarships that are out there. i just want to scream "WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT THESE YEARS AGO!?!?!?!" as i sit here typing this blog, i'm trying desparately to get a decent essay so i can send it to people for some cash. i probably won't get it, but it's still worth the effort...
now that i've rambled forever about nothing in particular, im going to fight to stay awake...as i have to be at work at7 (aka little over 2 months).
goodnight/day all :)

the gym...

well...i have been slacking in going to the gym. in other news...i'm now plant sitting for my friends. will return to the gym monday.
how can such a little word induce such cringe worthy thoughts?
thats all for now as it is late and im still at their house but im now on my own computer woot woot :)

if being a professional pet sitter counts as being a new adventure, i'll never get bored

I sit here now, typing this on a friend's mac. Where is my friend, and why do I have her mac? She, Carlie, along with her husband, are on vacation. I am at their house, because I fell asleep watching tv. But that still does not explain why I would be sitting at their house this early in the morning on my day off. I am their cat sitter, and I'm a good one.

I started sitting for people when my best friend, Michelle, got a standard shnauzer named Link. I usually watch him when his parents, my friends, were not able to be home in the evening. Michelle works nights, every other week, and sometimes her husband wants to go to different sports events, or to go places with friends during the week she works. Now let's get one thing straight. I have always been a cat person, so watching their very energetic puppy was always a surefire way to exhaust me. I would go to their house (which is somewhere i feel very much at home. I spent a lot of time there when they first bought it, and helped them fix the place up), play with Link, take him to the bathroom, and then for a walk around the block. Once, I took him for a 2.5 mile walk, hoping he would get tired and stay quiet once we got back to his house. It didn't work, it just made him very sick the next day.

Then another one of my best friends' (Becka) parents asked me last summer to house sit/pet sit while they visited cousins out of state. This too is a place I feel very much at home, as many days/nights were spent here as a kid. I said sure, and didn't really think about what I was getting myself into until after the fact. I was then in charge of a very old jack russel terrier named Sadie, a baby boxer named Maz, and two fat cats named Pepsi and Tink. The cats were very easy to care for, considering I never saw them except at night to let them in the house and in the morning to let them out. Maz had issues controlling his bladder for a while, so every time he got excited he would jump on me, and would pee the whole time. So i ended up with clothes soaked with puppy pee. Once Maz calmed down, he was actually a joy to watch. Sadie however was jealous, and evil. If Maz went out to go to the bathroom, Sadie followed him, lifting her leg (I think she was confused and thought she was a boy) and as long as 1/2 a drop left her body, she walked away looking smug.

I started sitting for Car back in September, when they went to Niagara for her birthday. I got the key to their house the wednesday night before, and started watching their delightful little kitty named Sidney the following day. She is a wonderful little cat, black with white markings, and very playful. She loves attention and is very friendly. Having said all this, I could not get her to come to me at all that first weekend. I had to refresh her water just about every six hours because she's too snobby to drink "old" water. She also refuses to eat food that has sat out.

Now, every cat has their quirks (which is why they are so much closer to us humans than dogs), and so finding that Sidney is a food snob didn't really surprise me. But her apparent lack of affection for me, cat sitter extraordinaire, did. She's a "lap cat". But not with my lap. I felt bad because she wanted nothing to do with me, and I felt this would reflect negatively on my sitting skills. She warmed up to me when I brought out the toys, and played with her. But the minute they were put away, there went the fun, loving kitty.

Fast forward several months, I have since house sat for Becka, the boxer puppy has finally got control of himself and is now the size of a large shetland pony. The jack russel is still old, and still jealous.

I have also taken care of Link, the extremely smart shnauzer, while Michelle had/recovered from gall bladder surgery.

And here I am, taking care of Sidney. She has warmed up to me this time, and will actually sit and let me pet her.

Now in all of this, I hope you have noticed a common theme to my pet sitting capers. I am stuck here at home while all my friends are jetting off on mini adventures of their own. I have, in effect, turned into the wacky cat lady, except I don't own the cats/dogs I'm in charge of. I would say that for every time my friends go away, I get to run away on some little vacation of my own. I don't. I do get perks like watching tv and using the mac, but I stay home like the responsible, old person I am.

I am fully aware that physically I am not old. I am only 25 for crying out loud. But living here in New Castle has some underlying, unspoken code. If you're over the age of 18, and not in a serious relationship, and if you have at least one responsible bone in your body, you are a very old person. Now if I moved to Pittsburgh even, which is only 45 minutes away, I would be young, and lively. However I'm not in Pittsburgh. I have more than one responsible bone in my body, I'm over the age of 18, and not in any sort of relationship. Therefore, I am old.

That leaves me to say, stay tuned in. I do have some pretty good stories of past capers, and I know that I will have many more. I was just feeling sorry for myself since I'm stuck at home more than I'd like.

Next post: The Gym...dun dun dun :)