men. :(

some men suck big time
some men rock a lot
and the ones that are worst of all are the ones that refuse to realize that things could really work out for them.
don't ask. i'm not telling. i just know that i'm not happy right now. i'm sad, and hurt, and wishing i were confused cuz then things would be easier. i could blame whatever it is i'm feeling on the "not knowing". sadly, that's not the case.
it's not every day you can have a real connection w/someone, someone you can talk to about anything. someone you've talked to about everything.
but to experience that and to hear that person say, "it's not gonna work out between us...i'd rather we just stay friends then try this thing out..."
it's simply devastating.
its excruciatingly frustrating.
it makes me want to cry and scream and then cry some more. or eat a pint of ice cream.
right now, i think i'll just go for the crying bit. (can't really scream w/o waking the neighbor).
so yeah...some men are great, but suck a bunch because they let you know how great they are and then take all that away from you.
sick thing is, i couldn't imagine life in any form without them. so if it kills me to remain friends and friends only, i will.
i'd rather some men just wake up and realize that it's a small world and distance is only as short or long as you let it be.

what do i know? i know that at the current rate of my life, i will end up an old maid. stuck in a job i despise, by myself. i won't end up the crazy cat lady simply because i won't have the patience for the cats. normally this doesn't bother me. tonight this bothers me a whole lot. things could be different. but i dont know how to make them different, make them work in my favor.

stupid stinking rotten men.

ugh.

run run run, never get anything done...

So, I have been a running machine for what feels like an eternity. I'm in class in butler and cranberry Pa. I still work in new castle, and now I'm back into ballroom dancing (oh how i've missed it) in cleveland, oh.
Why all the running? because if I don't get out of this new castle slump that affects everyone who lives here i will end up going crazy.
I'm most excited to tell you all about the ballroom dancing. This past friday, I went (by myself, of course), to Cleveland, OH and was greeted by a bunch of super nice, middle aged people. I had a blast. I foxtrotted, waltzed, cha-cha'd, rumbaa'd, salsa'd, swung, and hustled. Throw in a few line dances and my night was complete. I did not tango, which is something i know how to do (i could do all of them but the hustle before I went), but maybe this friday i'll tango.
One thing I will most definitely have to invest in are some real dance shoes cuz all my heels are sort of stretched out.
Seriously though, I have missed dancing so so so much.
Even with all this running like crazy, I still feel like I'm not truly accomplishing anything. Oh well, I guess you win some, you lose some.

feelings

To say i'm not really a communicator would be an understatement. I hate talking about myself and therefore will do everything in my power to get out of talking about me.
sometimes however, i really wish i could just explain to ppl how i truly feel. take tonight for instance. i so badly wanted to tell somebody, anybody, just how lonely i felt. i know having a significant other in my life won't make me a "whole" person, but sometimes it sure feels that way.
i would love to find love. i know we all want that, but goodness i haven't even had "like". ever. as in no one likes me, and sometimes i feel like no one ever will. while i am pretty good with me being single for the rest of my life most of the time, tonight i just wanted to go home to somebody. but alas, i came home to an empty apartment. maybe one day my prince charming will come, but i wish that day were today...
im done now.
see ya'll in a while...
mandy

new beginnings for this old gal.

i.
am.
old.

or at least thats what i feel like when i see all these fresh out of highschool faces as i'm going to class.
So far, class has been easy peasy lemon squeezie but i am sure it will get harder as the semester goes on.
at least that's what im hoping for. I never have been one to do busy work or do well in classes below my iq level lol.
anyways, i will be all over the map, cranberry, butler, new castle. ok not as far over the map as i would like (aka greece or turkey) but it's a start, and it will get my butt moving past just neca.

anyways i gotta go study.... :)

bucket list.

after watching that movie i made one of my own...i'll be adding to it as time goes on...

travel the world. and yes i mean the WORLD. no i don't have a specific one place destination in mind. i wanna see it all

take a cooking class at le cordon bleu in paris like julia child.

be in a dancing competition. even if it's a city wide competition...

learn a few other languages...including but not limited to: italian (working on that), greek (working on that too), french, portuguese, hindi, and chinese (if i added all the languages i wanna learn i'd be here all day)

kiss a complete stranger. there's something oddly romantic id like to try.

set up a rendezvous point for me and my husband, and treat him like an "affair"...something to keep the mystery alive, which keeps the romance going :)

which brings me to this: find a husband :D

im out for now but i'll be here adding to this later